This is kind of a weird title i know, but i can't think of a better one. It's been a while since i posted again. i'm not sure why so much time passes between my posts sometimes, i read the blogs i follow daily, and even comment now and then (shocking i know) but somehow i have trouble finding the time to post on my own.
Anyway, i really do have something i want to post about. As i have said in the past Daddy and i are into ageplay. Now, i know that ageplay squicks some people out, and i am not going to spend this post trying to defend ageplay as a whole, everyone has their own opinions and their own kinks, but it works for us. The thing is, lately i have found myself going deeper into the mindset of my little self. Let me explain. i am an adult, a grown woman, i hold down a responsible job, i drive a car, i interact in the real world. i know how to act like a reasonable adult. But lately at the strangest times, my little self will just come out and sometimes i am not even aware of it.
We first became aware of this on Christmas Day. Daddy and i were alone so He decided to take me out for a NICE dinner. We went to The Four Seasons Hotel, and it was extremely fancy. We had a great time, and are considering making this a yearly tradition, but i digress. We were sitting at the table eating our entree when i glanced out the window and saw a horse drawn carriage covered with christmas lights. It looked really pretty. Without any thought to it at all, i exclaimed "Daddy, Daddy look at that!" The weird part was i didn't even notice it, until Daddy said something to me later. i was mortified, luckily He thought it was cute and endearing etc. i asked if anyone had heard me and He said possibly, but He was so unconcerned about it i ended up letting it go.
The next time we noticed it was at the grocery store. We were having a normal, adult trip to the store. i needed to buy some toothpaste, so we went in the toothpaste aisle and suddenly i was a little girl showing Daddy the Hello Kitty toothbrush i had just spotted. He ended up buying it for me, but again said something about my little coming out to play. i am not sure why this happens, but it does. It has actually gotten to the point where on a couple of occasions Daddy has said, "I need you to be a big girl today" or "I need you to act like a grown up today" and when He says these things i do as i am told, although when whatever we are doing is over, i ask if i can go back to being His little girl.
The thing is, since we started activley participating in ageplay it has greatly improved our relationship. When we first got together i didn't even know what ageplay was, i barely knew what BDSM was, and where we lived there was no lifestlye, so i really didn't have anyone to talk to about things. Once we moved here however, we got invoved with a group of people and several of the submissives were littles. We figured out this was something we liked and started incorporating it into our lives. And as we have moved further into it, it has had a very positive impact on our relationship. It is not a matter of Him not holding me accountable for things or anything like that, He does. It just seems like we get along better and disagree less when our relationship works this way.
In other news, we still have a room mate, and she still thinks i submit to her too, which i don't, but Daddy has noticed it, and while we really haven't said anything to her about it, because we don't want to make waves, He has told me i don't have to do what she tells me to unless i choose to, and He allows me to vent when i need too.
i have decided to change jobs. i am currently still working at home and as much as i enjoy that, they have been piling more and more on us lately and they have unreasonable expectations about how much we need to finish in a day. The stress has been getting to all of us, so in the last two weeks i have been sending out resumes and going on interviews. i don't want to quit until i know i have a new job, but i have to think about my mental health too.
All in all, things are good, i am happy.
I am exactly that way with my Daddy too. I guess I don't really think about it much because I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, and one of my alters is little. Although my DID has been treated and I (mostly) have control of it, I cycle attitudes/thought patterns/likes & dislikes enough that it's not really a big thing. (Now *I* am digressing!) Anyhow, the "normal" setting, I have discovered, is a me that is rather childlike. (I can definitely also be a big girl when I need to!) One reason we don't think of our relationship as ageplay is simply that I am naturally a child, and can actually BE myself with Daddy (so doesn't seem like it qualifies as play!.) It works so well for us. Looks like it is working for you also. So don't be too concerned. I often say "Daddy" in public now, and it feels so natural, I no longer care if anyone notices. <3
ReplyDeleteI have somewhat of the same thing as Little Butterfly though I'm not too sure I have the DID. But I am/was usually my "little" self with Owner way before I wanted to be his submissive. We started out in a vanilla relationship and I called him Daddy or Papa. Then as we both got more into the BDSM I learned about age play and it works for us sometimes as I usually prefer to be a kitty :)
ReplyDeleteBut I know what Little Butterfly means when she says she can be her "little self" with her daddy and have it feel normal. I call Owner daddy a lot when its us or when we're out, but if I refer to him in a text or email or even in my blog I automatically say Owner or Master. Sometimes in rare occasions I'll blog as my little self and call him daddy. So if it feels natural go with it. But like you said there are times when you need to be your "big self" as well.
I wish ya luck :D
Cinderelli,
ReplyDeleteYour blog is beautiful and you write with honesty and grace. It is a pleasure to read here.
Maryann
That was beautiful and made perfect sense to me.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting topic. It is one which isn't discussed much. I like reading about it from your perspective. Hope you are able to follow up with more on this topic.
ReplyDelete-MS