i don't usually ask for spankings. That's not to say i fight them, not all the time anyway lol, but i usually don't initiate them. There are reasons for this, the biggest one being, i don't like to ask Daddy to spank me, i would rather He spank me because it is His idea. Another reason is that asking for a spanking seems too much like topping from the bottom. Also, i am really not a masochist or a pain slut. Some pain excites me, Daddy teases me because while i am yelling owe, i am getting soaking wet, but i don't usually ask for pain. This morning was different.
Work has been almost unbearably stressful for the past several weeks, and will probably get worse as we near the end of the year. As a result, i have been really moody and on edge lately. So, this morning Daddy and i were fooling around and when we got done He got up to go to the bathroom. When He came back into the bedroom, He found me on the floor and asked me what i was doing. i told Him i was looking for His belt. He asked me why, and i told Him i wanted Him to spank me with it. He seemed surprised, but was willing to give me what i needed.
He went and found a belt and had me lay on the bed. He let me choose the number of strokes i received and chicken that i am i chose a low number. Then He started, and well, He wasn't gentle. But afterward, i felt GREAT! It was just what i needed. It helped to center and ground me.
i know there are other submissives who enjoy "stress relief" spankings, and i have had this same reaction in the past the few other times i have been able to bring myself to request a spanking. i guess i need to start asking for what i need more often. Daddy is not a mind reader after all, though He often seems to know exactly what i need, i just feel shy about voicing these needs and also feel that it is not a very submissive thing to do.
So, what do you think? Is this topping from the bottom? Submissives, do any of you crave a spanking when you feel out of control? If so, do you ask your Master to give you what you need? And Dominants, do You think it is OK for Your submissive to request a spanking if she needs it, and will You give it to her if she does?
Well, i'm off to bed now. It has been a long day, and the next two are going to be even longer.
I always ask for mine. We used to schedule the maintenance spankings, but then decided instead of doing them on set days I would just tell him when I'm feeling angsty and we would do it that night after Tornado was asleep. It's been working out great that way too.
ReplyDeleteI don't think submissives asking for what they need is topping from the bottom. Expecting to have it done when they want it done and getting pissy when it doesn't happen is definitely topping from the bottom. But if you need something, there's nothing wrong with mentioning it. As you said, they can't read our minds, and it's not like we're telling them to do it. We're putting the idea in their head... then it's up to them whether and when to do it.
My Master loves that I'm so proactive in telling him things that I'd like to try.
I don't see quite how it would be "topping from the bottom" if you're asking for it (just remember to say please and thank you :P). Asking anyone to do something for you is essentially putting them in control of whether you get it or not. So if your Master refuses your request, you will just have to deal with it. I think it's your reaction to it that really counts.
ReplyDeletePadrone would FAR rather I ask for things I need, if he hasn't sensed that I have a strong need and asked about it already. The alternative is waiting and hoping for that need to be met, and that causes larger problems typically.
ReplyDeleteEveryone has needs, and while our Masters are usually pretty good at anticipating them, the only way they could get to know our specific needs is to have them expressed. In other words, your Daddy will only learn to recognize signs of your need, and learn to anticipate it so he can control it for his pleasure, if you let him know when you feel it!
Sharing information, even by expressing needs and asking for them to be met, is part of any relationship, even D/s. Some folks tend to forget that bit now and then - lol.
not topping from the bottom because they have the right to refuse or make us wait. You're also not acting out to get punished but instead went to him and asked for what needed!
ReplyDeleteIf anything you're in a better place than I am...I have no problem asking Master for a hug or cuddle but I have a hard time, saying I need a spanking. But I'm learning.
mouse
This is the first time I've been here, so I feel a little uneasy about commenting. Still...
ReplyDeleteI think it all comes down to how the relationship has been defined. I don't believe there is some Grand High Lord of BDSM who declares what is acceptable in any D/s arrangement. Nor an official demonic committee. ANY relationship needs to be determined by the people involved - and each of us figures out for ourselves what we are prepared to accept and when it's not worth the price.
That said, I'm not supposed to ask. Once I wrote a message to someone else who thought he wanted to have a go at me (that I AM allowed), which mentioned that I'd love to have an extended spanking for tension release. Except I accidentally sent it to my Master, so he thought I was addressing him. He was not at all pleased, and I ended up with a really nasty punishment spanking and a cruel scolding which was nothing like what I'd had in mind. I learned my lesson. It's not that it's not all about me. It's not AT ALL about my needs. Except, of course, that the way he trains me and uses me is exactly what I need. He knows me better than I know myself and does end up satisfying me in ways I never imagined. Though it sure would be nice to have just a few more orgasms...
The tricky thing is finding ways to communicate without violating protocol. My sadistic Master and I only see each other about once a week, if that, and then only briefly, so we communicate a lot by e-mail and IM. I've found that the tone of the conversation tends to be somewhat more casual and direct in at least some of our IM's as opposed to the e-mails. So that seems to be a better forum for carefully mentioning practicalities. But again, that's just us.
o.g.