Untitled.....Because i Don't Know What to Call It.

i'm feeling really churned up today. Warning, this post will probably be kind of whiny, but that's how i feel right now.

Thanksgiving was nice, we had friends over and of course our housemate and her mother were here also, so there were six of us altogether. We cooked for two days, and despite the fact that i tried to clean as we went along, and did i have no idea how many loads of dishes, we still ended up with a huge mess that i think i have finally gotten completely cleaned up. i think i am starting to feel slightly resentful. i don't have a problem with cleaning up after and serving Daddy, but lately i am starting to feel like i am serving two Doms. i knew that this might be a problem when we first decided to have her move in with us. i am not saying that she never helps, because she does, but she does as much as she wishes, and then makes comments to me about "finishing up the dishes" or "getting the kitchen cleaned up". These comments upset  me. After i finished the last of the dishes this morning, she and Daddy had lunch and when i went into the kitchen, the sink was again full of dishes. And this is not the first time. Bad as it probably sounds, i am the only one in this household working at the moment, and yet i am still expected to do the bulk of the housework. There are days when the two of them will make something for them to eat......usually it is something i don't like or want, but they leave the mess for me to clean up. Is that right? Oh well.

Another thing that i am dealing with right now is harder to describe. i do, or let Daddy do things that i am not crazy about because they make Him happy. i know as a submissive that it is not all about me, it is supposed to be about Him, and it pleases me to make Daddy happy, but it seems like the more i give sexually, the less i get in the same arena. i've mentioned before that Daddy likes to do cutting. i am not thrilled about being cut, but i decided a while back to let Him cut me. There were two reasons for this, 1. It pleases Him and 2. He has informend me in no uncertain terms that if i don't let Him do the things He likes He will find others who will. He is not saying He will replace me, just that He will seek out others to play with that like the same things He does, but it is my choice to try and do the things that Daddy likes. So lately Daddy has been pushing the anal sex thing. This is something i absolutely hate. It is painful and does not excite me in the least. i will not cum from anal sex. He used to only do this now and then, but He has recently informed me that we will be doing this every time we have sex. And we have been. i am almost to the point where i can tolerate it without too much begging and crying, but knowing it is coming usually makes the rest of the sex less enjoyable, because i am preoccupied knowing what's next and it also feels like the vaginal sex is just kind of perfunctory, like if He gives me something i like that makes up for doing this thing i hate.

Last night Daddy was making a joke about women and oral sex, and i said something like, i wouldn't know, i hardly ever get it. This is true. Even though Daddy expects oral sex from me every time we have sex, i rarely receive oral sex even though i love it. So, i thought i had made my point, from what He said i thought okay cool, tonight. i took a shower and stayed up as late as i could, hoping He would be ready for bed soon. Finally i said i'm going to bed, hoping He would follow. Nope, nada, nothing. He came to bed a couple of hours later, but didn't even try. i felt completely blown off. So today has been pretty tense. i am sure He knows why i am upset, but He is basically ignoring me. i guess that as a submissive i am not supposed to have wants, needs, or expectations.

i love Daddy and i am sure that i will be back to myself soon. Maybe it is just the holidays, for some reason on Thanksgiving i was kind of weepy about not seeing my family, even though it has been about 3-4 years since i spent Thanksgiving or Christmas with my family. Maybe it is the stress from work, last week we found out they were laying off 600+ employees with more lay offs to come after the first of the year. Maybe it is the loss of privacy with having someone else in our home. i don't know. i guess only time will tell.