This is kind of a weird title i know, but i can't think of a better one. It's been a while since i posted again. i'm not sure why so much time passes between my posts sometimes, i read the blogs i follow daily, and even comment now and then (shocking i know) but somehow i have trouble finding the time to post on my own.
Anyway, i really do have something i want to post about. As i have said in the past Daddy and i are into ageplay. Now, i know that ageplay squicks some people out, and i am not going to spend this post trying to defend ageplay as a whole, everyone has their own opinions and their own kinks, but it works for us. The thing is, lately i have found myself going deeper into the mindset of my little self. Let me explain. i am an adult, a grown woman, i hold down a responsible job, i drive a car, i interact in the real world. i know how to act like a reasonable adult. But lately at the strangest times, my little self will just come out and sometimes i am not even aware of it.
We first became aware of this on Christmas Day. Daddy and i were alone so He decided to take me out for a NICE dinner. We went to The Four Seasons Hotel, and it was extremely fancy. We had a great time, and are considering making this a yearly tradition, but i digress. We were sitting at the table eating our entree when i glanced out the window and saw a horse drawn carriage covered with christmas lights. It looked really pretty. Without any thought to it at all, i exclaimed "Daddy, Daddy look at that!" The weird part was i didn't even notice it, until Daddy said something to me later. i was mortified, luckily He thought it was cute and endearing etc. i asked if anyone had heard me and He said possibly, but He was so unconcerned about it i ended up letting it go.
The next time we noticed it was at the grocery store. We were having a normal, adult trip to the store. i needed to buy some toothpaste, so we went in the toothpaste aisle and suddenly i was a little girl showing Daddy the Hello Kitty toothbrush i had just spotted. He ended up buying it for me, but again said something about my little coming out to play. i am not sure why this happens, but it does. It has actually gotten to the point where on a couple of occasions Daddy has said, "I need you to be a big girl today" or "I need you to act like a grown up today" and when He says these things i do as i am told, although when whatever we are doing is over, i ask if i can go back to being His little girl.
The thing is, since we started activley participating in ageplay it has greatly improved our relationship. When we first got together i didn't even know what ageplay was, i barely knew what BDSM was, and where we lived there was no lifestlye, so i really didn't have anyone to talk to about things. Once we moved here however, we got invoved with a group of people and several of the submissives were littles. We figured out this was something we liked and started incorporating it into our lives. And as we have moved further into it, it has had a very positive impact on our relationship. It is not a matter of Him not holding me accountable for things or anything like that, He does. It just seems like we get along better and disagree less when our relationship works this way.
In other news, we still have a room mate, and she still thinks i submit to her too, which i don't, but Daddy has noticed it, and while we really haven't said anything to her about it, because we don't want to make waves, He has told me i don't have to do what she tells me to unless i choose to, and He allows me to vent when i need too.
i have decided to change jobs. i am currently still working at home and as much as i enjoy that, they have been piling more and more on us lately and they have unreasonable expectations about how much we need to finish in a day. The stress has been getting to all of us, so in the last two weeks i have been sending out resumes and going on interviews. i don't want to quit until i know i have a new job, but i have to think about my mental health too.
All in all, things are good, i am happy.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Nothing New
My life has been pretty boring lately. Of course boring isn't always a bad thing. Daddy and i are happy and i have been staying out of trouble, which makes me very happy. i have really been trying to follow my rules, and most importantly "not argue" and i think we both notice the change and it is paying off.
i am currently in the middle of being off for seven days. It is not exactly a vacation, it just worked out that i got this time off, but i am still feeling very relaxed and restful right now. Work has been very stressful lately, a lot of people have lost their jobs and there is talk that the company is planning to let more people go in the next few months. Add to that the fact that they are placing unreasonable demands on us, it starts to get to you. We are planning tomorrow to go to our friends farm for a few days. Last time we were there i got to feed the baby cows with a (very large) baby bottle. It was really cool. i grew up not exactly in the city, but certainly not on a farm, so the only animals i had contact with other than in the zoo were cats and dogs. So, spending time collecting eggs, feeding cows, and riding horses is new for me. Would i like to do it every day, probably not, but it is a nice change of pace now and then.
A couple of days ago my cat got out. She is an indoor cat, with no front claws, so her getting out was truly concerning. i am not sure when she got out, or even how. i have a feeling our room mate let her out at some point when she let her dog out. i was working, but i kept looking for her all over the house all day, trying to tell myself she couldn't really be outside. When i got off late that night, i went outside and searched for her, calling and looking for her. i couldn't find her anywhere. i got home and i was just sobbing. Daddy just held me trying to comfort me, but that was really not possible. Then our room mate came home and said she had just seen my cat under my car. i went out to the driveway and there she was soaking wet and shivering. i was so relieved. i have had her since she was six weeks old, and if anything happened to her i would be devastated. But after the fact i was just so touched about the way Daddy tried to comfort me. He is not crazy about my cat, but He did everything He could to make me feel better and reassure me that she would come back. Which thank Heavens, she did.
So, that's it. Nothing is really new, but life is good, i still have four days off of work, and i'm feeling great.
i am currently in the middle of being off for seven days. It is not exactly a vacation, it just worked out that i got this time off, but i am still feeling very relaxed and restful right now. Work has been very stressful lately, a lot of people have lost their jobs and there is talk that the company is planning to let more people go in the next few months. Add to that the fact that they are placing unreasonable demands on us, it starts to get to you. We are planning tomorrow to go to our friends farm for a few days. Last time we were there i got to feed the baby cows with a (very large) baby bottle. It was really cool. i grew up not exactly in the city, but certainly not on a farm, so the only animals i had contact with other than in the zoo were cats and dogs. So, spending time collecting eggs, feeding cows, and riding horses is new for me. Would i like to do it every day, probably not, but it is a nice change of pace now and then.
A couple of days ago my cat got out. She is an indoor cat, with no front claws, so her getting out was truly concerning. i am not sure when she got out, or even how. i have a feeling our room mate let her out at some point when she let her dog out. i was working, but i kept looking for her all over the house all day, trying to tell myself she couldn't really be outside. When i got off late that night, i went outside and searched for her, calling and looking for her. i couldn't find her anywhere. i got home and i was just sobbing. Daddy just held me trying to comfort me, but that was really not possible. Then our room mate came home and said she had just seen my cat under my car. i went out to the driveway and there she was soaking wet and shivering. i was so relieved. i have had her since she was six weeks old, and if anything happened to her i would be devastated. But after the fact i was just so touched about the way Daddy tried to comfort me. He is not crazy about my cat, but He did everything He could to make me feel better and reassure me that she would come back. Which thank Heavens, she did.
So, that's it. Nothing is really new, but life is good, i still have four days off of work, and i'm feeling great.
Monday, January 4, 2010
A Sad (but beautiful) Night
Two days before Christmas a very dear friend of ours died. He was a wonderful person and a pillar of the lifestyle community where we live. He and his wife/submissive had parties at their home every month, and they had the ability to make even the most terrified person (yes, i speak from experience) feel at ease. He seemed to like everyone and i didn't know any one who knew Him that didn't like Him.
So, Saturday night the community came together to honor Him. It was a heartwrinching evening. The tears flowed almost from the minute we got there. They had a slide show of pictures and people lined up to speak. There had to be at least 300 people in attendance.
Throughout this whole time, i have just felt so badly for His wife. That is a pain i just can not imagine. She sat by His bedside throughout His illness. This was a second marriage for both of them and they were so devoted to each other. i didn't know what to say to comfort her, all i could do was hug her hard.
As sad as this has been, i think there is a lesson here for all of us. Never take for granted what you have. Thank God each day for what you have and let go of the little things that don't matter. That is what i intend to do.
So, Saturday night the community came together to honor Him. It was a heartwrinching evening. The tears flowed almost from the minute we got there. They had a slide show of pictures and people lined up to speak. There had to be at least 300 people in attendance.
Throughout this whole time, i have just felt so badly for His wife. That is a pain i just can not imagine. She sat by His bedside throughout His illness. This was a second marriage for both of them and they were so devoted to each other. i didn't know what to say to comfort her, all i could do was hug her hard.
As sad as this has been, i think there is a lesson here for all of us. Never take for granted what you have. Thank God each day for what you have and let go of the little things that don't matter. That is what i intend to do.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
It's Been Quite a While
OK, i know it has been a long time since i have written anything. This is not because there has been nothing to say, but rather because things just get so hectic sometimes that i neglect the non-essential things. But, i think i need to make blogging into something that is essential because i find i feel more calm and focused when i get my feelings out.
When i started this blog, i guess i was a little self-centered, thinking i was going to be orginal, that no one but i would think of writing about TTWD for all the world to see. Boy, was i wrong. When i started out i was amazed by how many other blogs about submission, slavery, and BDSM were out there. Did this deter me? No. i decided to go with a blog that i felt would be educational for others who were just starting out on this path, or that were considering it, but hadn't decided yet if it was something they wanted to do. But, after a short time i found it to be so much more. Not only did i find blogs that i looked forward to reading every day, (and yes i have been reading them almost every day even though i rarely comment) but i found my blog was a safe place to talk about my feelings. Sometimes, just writing about them and knowing that someone is reading them is enough to make me feel better, like someone cares. And, when i get comments expressing support and compassion that is even better.
Things have gotten better since my last post. i want to thank everyone who commented. There was one comment that i tried to publish, but for some reason it didn't, so apologize to that person, i appreciate you taking the time to write. One day, shortly after i made that post i climbed up in Daddy's lap and just let all my feelings out. It was the first time we had talked like that in a long time. It was very helpful, and He told me that anytime i need to get my feelings out to Him, to just let Him know and He will make time for us to talk.
Tha's not to say that things are perfect, or a bed of roses. We still have days when i get frustrated or discouraged. i think (and this is just my opinion) that all submissives feel that way sometimes, but knowing that He is there and willing to listen to me helps. Our room mate is still here, and sometimes she is very, very demanding towards me. For some reason she feels that it is her God given right to tell me what to do. i usually do what she tells me to, that is the submissive in me, but i know at times i have been a little snotty about it. In Daddy's defense, He usually doesn't know about these things. So, while i know He would probably expect me to be respectful of her (she is a Domme after all) i think if He were more aware of it, He might say something. For my part, i don't tell Him about it most of the time, because i don't want to cause waves. There was one day when i got scolded by both of them for the same thing at different times, and when i told Daddy that i had already been yelled at about that He told me He didn't know that, and that truly the only one i always had to listen to was Him, the one i submit to.
So, it is a new year, and my only true resolution, (i am already working at weight loss, exercise, and eating better) is to be a better submissive. To listen, and do as i'm told, to express my feelings instead of holding them in and being passive/aggressive ("i'm fine" when it is clear that i'm upset about something) and to be far less argumentitive. i am going to blog more , and i'm going to go back to keeping a journal (i already bought one, it is purple with flowers and butterflies) because Daddy says that when i journal i write my true feelings. i have permission to write whatever i feel in my blog and my journal without fear of repercussion because they are for me, even though He often reads both. It is a way for Him as He puts it, to get in my head.
So, Happy New Year to all my blogger friends.
When i started this blog, i guess i was a little self-centered, thinking i was going to be orginal, that no one but i would think of writing about TTWD for all the world to see. Boy, was i wrong. When i started out i was amazed by how many other blogs about submission, slavery, and BDSM were out there. Did this deter me? No. i decided to go with a blog that i felt would be educational for others who were just starting out on this path, or that were considering it, but hadn't decided yet if it was something they wanted to do. But, after a short time i found it to be so much more. Not only did i find blogs that i looked forward to reading every day, (and yes i have been reading them almost every day even though i rarely comment) but i found my blog was a safe place to talk about my feelings. Sometimes, just writing about them and knowing that someone is reading them is enough to make me feel better, like someone cares. And, when i get comments expressing support and compassion that is even better.
Things have gotten better since my last post. i want to thank everyone who commented. There was one comment that i tried to publish, but for some reason it didn't, so apologize to that person, i appreciate you taking the time to write. One day, shortly after i made that post i climbed up in Daddy's lap and just let all my feelings out. It was the first time we had talked like that in a long time. It was very helpful, and He told me that anytime i need to get my feelings out to Him, to just let Him know and He will make time for us to talk.
Tha's not to say that things are perfect, or a bed of roses. We still have days when i get frustrated or discouraged. i think (and this is just my opinion) that all submissives feel that way sometimes, but knowing that He is there and willing to listen to me helps. Our room mate is still here, and sometimes she is very, very demanding towards me. For some reason she feels that it is her God given right to tell me what to do. i usually do what she tells me to, that is the submissive in me, but i know at times i have been a little snotty about it. In Daddy's defense, He usually doesn't know about these things. So, while i know He would probably expect me to be respectful of her (she is a Domme after all) i think if He were more aware of it, He might say something. For my part, i don't tell Him about it most of the time, because i don't want to cause waves. There was one day when i got scolded by both of them for the same thing at different times, and when i told Daddy that i had already been yelled at about that He told me He didn't know that, and that truly the only one i always had to listen to was Him, the one i submit to.
So, it is a new year, and my only true resolution, (i am already working at weight loss, exercise, and eating better) is to be a better submissive. To listen, and do as i'm told, to express my feelings instead of holding them in and being passive/aggressive ("i'm fine" when it is clear that i'm upset about something) and to be far less argumentitive. i am going to blog more , and i'm going to go back to keeping a journal (i already bought one, it is purple with flowers and butterflies) because Daddy says that when i journal i write my true feelings. i have permission to write whatever i feel in my blog and my journal without fear of repercussion because they are for me, even though He often reads both. It is a way for Him as He puts it, to get in my head.
So, Happy New Year to all my blogger friends.
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