Life........

Life is so up in the air right now, i am not sure if i am coming or going. i know it has been a while since i last posted, but i honestly can't say why. i have wanted to blog, many days, i have even settled down to do so a couple of times, but things keep happening to get me off track.

Right now i am sitting in the hospital with Daddy. He hurt His back a few months ago, and He was supposed to have surgery today. He didn't. His lab work is such that if they did do surgery, it would be very dangerous. He was supposed to go to surgery at 8:30 am, and we didn't find out until almost 8:00 that it wasn't going to happen. We are both very upset and disappointed. There are doctors currently trying to get Him to the point where He can tolerate the surgery, but it is still going to be risky, and we have been told He could end up pararlyzed.

It has been a stressful day for both of us, with a lot of tears. At one point i had to leave the room for a while, because i was starting to fall apart, and He didn't need to deal with that on top of everything else. i am trying to be strong for Him. i told Him no matter what He decides, and whatever happens, i will stand by Him. If He ends up paralyzed, i will stay with Him, and i will care for Him. i love Him that much.

In other news, we are going to have a friend of ours moving in with us for a while. She recently lost her job, and her current relationship ended. She was going to be out of work and without a place to live. We have offered to let her stay with us for a while to gie her time to get back on her feet. i am sure this is going to change the dynamic of our relationship. For one thing, we won't be able to walk around naked anymore, lol. But on a more serious level, we will need to keep any "discussions" private. We will have to go to our room when we need to talk instead of just cuddling on the couch, or facing off across the living room. She is lifestyle, so any strange noises she hears won't be cause for speculation on her part. On the other hand, she is a Domme, and having two Dominant personalities in the house may be a bit rough on the this little sub.

Our relationship has been in a really good place lately. Daddy did a cutting on my arm last Sunday, and went over it again yesterday. It looks really great. It is the Kanji Symbol for submissive. As soon as He can Daddy has promised to post a picture of it here. i let Daddy do the cutting on me because i know it pleases Him, but He allowed me to chose the design and the sight. The reason He went over the cutting is because we want to make it permanent. This is going to require some explaining on my part when we see my family. It is at least partly visible when i wear short sleeves. i chose this symbol, because i am not ashamed of who or what i am. Daddy chose me to be His submissive and i am proud to belong to Him.

i have to say, the second time He did the cutting hurt SO much more than the first time. It hurt the first time, don't get me wrong, but He had lightly played me before starting, so that helped. About three minutes after He finished i orgasmed.....hugely. The second time He did it, we didn't have time to play first, and it was very painful. i was gripping the pillow and biting it to keep from yelling too loudly. i did fly, and afterward i had a huge release, i was sobbing, and shaking, this is not unusual for me, i usually cry when i fly. The first time this happened, i "came to" and there were tears streaming down my face. By this time i am used to this, so it is not such a surprise. What does/did surprise me is that after all that pain, i was still able to orgasm. i still don't understand sometimes how things that i find extemely painful, not the kind of pain i usually prefer, (i am not a painslut) can make me cum. Daddy will say, well if it hurt so much why did you cum, and my only answer is i don't know. i really don't. Daddy would like to do a cutting on me at a party, but i told Him when i agreed to let Him cut me that we would have to do them in private. i am not yet ready to do this type of scene in public, but Daddy has asked me to start preparing myself to do a cutting at a party, so i am working on that.

We went to a party last Friday night. We didn't play, but Daddy did offer. It was a differnt group of people from most of the parties we go to, and i wasn't really comfortable. Daddy did help a couple of others beat one sub, and i watched. Over all we had a good time. i was a good and attentive sub, paying attention to where Daddy was at all times, and making sure i got Him anything He needed. He told me later that i was a good girl, no other words could have pleased me more.

That's about it from here. Daddy has been given pain medicine and a sleeping pill so He is resting quietly right now. i need to try and get some sleep, i fear that tomorrow is going to be another emotionally charged day.