The Party

i said i would write about the party from Saturday night. We belong to two groups that have monthly parties, and we also go to occassional small parties, but we have not been to many parties recently, so we were both really looking forward to this party. We were out most of the day Saturday, so we rushed home, made our dish, got ready for the party and we were on our way.

After driving for about an hour, we got to the party. i was pretty quiet on the drive, and really had been for several days. As i said i have started walling up part of my heart to avoid being hurt, and that has made me different. i have been a little more withdrawn, and i have been avoiding make the spontaneous loving gestures i often make, like grabbing Daddy's hand or suddenly kissing Him.

So, we got to the party, went in, paid , and gave our kisses and cuddles to everyone we knew. We knew a lot of people, so soon we were chatting with friends, and i wasn't as attentive to Daddy as i should have been. And He wasn't really paying any attention to me either. He had agreed to play one of our friends at the party, and they were busy planning this, and He was taking pictures with a few of the girls. i was feeling more than a little left out.

Well, i knew i wasn't being a very good submissive, so i went to find Him and be at His side. He was outside so i went out there. He was busy talking to others, and not to me, except to order me to get Him a diet coke. i did, and then  i sat there. Then He went in the house, and through the window i watched Him talking to, hugging, and laughing with all the others. i started feeling more and more jealous as well as left out. i was hurt and angry and sometimes when i feel that way, well i do things i know i shouldn't. That's what i did Saturday. When Daddy came back outside, i turned my back to Him and continued talking with the person next to me. Then when He played our friend, i didn't go to watch and i didn't make myself available to help Him and to clean up after the scene. i was mad that He hadn't offered to play me, and i was showing it.

All the while i was acting in this passive/agressive way, i knew better. i knew what i was doing was wrong and that i was probably going to be in trouble, but i couldn't stop myself. A couple of my friends asked me what was wrong, saying i was awfully quiet and not myself. i said i was fine, but one of my friends wasn't buying it. She was the one who told me about her husband sleeping with others. She told me she knew how i felt.

On the way home, i was sure Daddy was going to yell at me, but He didn't. He acted like everything was normal. i wondered if He either hadn't noticed my behavior, or if He understood how i was feeling and had decided to let it go. When we got home, i sat up with Him for a while, and then i went off to bed. Daddy sat up, and a few hours later He came to bed. That was when i found out that He had noticed my behavior and He wasn't letting it go.........but that is a story for tomorrow.