OK, i have talked enough about my journey so far. Today i am going to talk about something a bit different. Things you should and should not do on a first meeting, and also some Red Flags to be aware of when talking to a Dom.
Before your first meeting:
1. Get as much information as you can, this may include: the person's full name, address, phone number, cell number, vehicle type and license plate number.
2. Make sure someone you trust has this information, and tell them where you are going to be.
3. Set-up a Safe Call. Someone who will notify the authorities if you don't call them when you say you will, or you can ask someone to call you about 20 minutes after you are supposed to meet someone, this will if necessary give you an out. You may want to implement both of these.
4. Don't meet with someone after only one or two conversations. Make sure you have e-mailed, IM'd and/or talked on the phone enough that you have some rapport and a level of trust set-up.
5. In the begining, DO NOT give out your phone number to someone. Ask them to let you call them, then block your phone number from showing up on their phone.
During you first meeting:
1. If at all possible, you should meet in a public place.
2. Don't be alone with this person until you are sure you can trust them and are in no danger.
3. It is usually not a good idea to "play"(play is the activities you do with someone, activities may or may not include sex, and may include flogging, spanking, paddling or other activities as negotiated by the parties involved.) on a first meeting.
4. Do negotiate your "play" if you plan to meet again.
5. Do make your Safe Call, do may sure the person you are with knows you will be making a Safe Call or calls if the evening is going to be long, and do use your friend calling as an out if things are not going well.
6. Do listen to your gut. If something seems wrong, it probably is.
7. Don't be pressured into going somewhere less public if you are not comfortable.
Red Flags
A red flag is any indication that you should steer clear of a particular person. These can pop up at any time, but most often at the begining of a relationship. These may be obvious or subtle.
1. Inappropriate questions or comments during your initial conversation. Things like: What are you wearing? What do you look like? Do you want to play? or asking for your phone number immediately. These questions have nothing to do with D/s, but may indicate the person is looking for cyber, phone, or just kinky sex.
2. Moving to quickly. In a hurry to start a relationship, or moving more quickly than you are comfortable with. Trust needs to be developed and can't be rushed.
3. Inappropriate attitude. Bow down and worship me! Those who act as if every submissive must obey every so called Dom and begin giving orders from the word go.
4. Safety violations. Reluctance to give you a Safe Word (a word you can use to stop play at any time if you are uncomfortable or things become too intense. A good Dom will stop play immediately upon hearing this word and check to see what is wrong) or to have safety precautions in place.
5. Lack of communication. If the person is reluctant to discuss something pay attention. Or, if you are told you may not discuss something with others, or may not talk to someone or go somewhere. (Do not let a Dom prevent you from seeing friends or family.)
6. A persistent bad reputation, or unwilling to provide you with references.
7. Frequent inconsistencies. Making contradictory statements. If a person has trouble remembering what they told you from one day to the next, it could be they are telling a lot of people a lot of different things.
8. Refusal to give you a picture. This could be because they are married or in a relationship, or it could be because they are not what they say they are.
***Remember: Always trust your gut***
Note: My Dom has told me that i should mention why i always refer to myself with a lower case i. This is something that is frequently done in BDSM. Doms names are Capitalized. Also any pronouns used to describe them such as He, or Him are also Capitalized. submissives names on the other hand usually start with a lower case letter as do pronouns such as i. Some people will even go so far as using a Capital and lower case letter when referring to the couple together such as W/we or U/us. This is not wrong if it works for them, but i find that type of writing bogs me down and i do not do that.
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