A Huge Error in Judgement

Yesterday was a very hard day for me, although it didn't start out that way. Daddy and i went with another couple we know to a quaint little town not far from home for lunch and some shopping. We had a really good time, and Daddy bought me some very nice things. It was after we got home and our friends left that the day started to unravel.
Daddy and i were playing around, and then Daddy started to make me do something i really dislike, Daddy knows i dislike this, it will actually make me cry, but Daddy does deserve to get things from me at times whether i like them or not. This is part of being a good submissive and serving my Daddy. i want Him to be pleased with meed So, He was making me do this thing, and next He wants me to not ony say i liked it, but to actually beg for it. This is hard for me to do. i don't like to ask for things i don't really want, i feel like it is dishonest to do that, but Daddy likes to make me  ask for things i don't want from time to time. This is one way that He shows His control over me.
i asked Daddy to do this thing that i hate and He did. He asked me if i was getting excited, and i said yes, He asked me if i wanted to cum, and i said yes. He told me to cum, and asked me if i was cumming, and i said yes. The problem is, i lied. i was not excited, i did not feel like cumming, and i did not cum. i said these things simply because i wanted to please Daddy, even though He has told me that lying is the worst thing i can do. i wasn't really trying to lie, i was trying to please Him.
Daddy has told me in the past that there are things He likes to do, that i don't like and if i can't do these things for Him, He will need to find someone who will. This strikes terror in my heart. Daddy says if He finds someone He can play with, she will not replace me, that i will still be His submissive, the one He collared, the one He comes home to. But, i have a lot of trouble with insecurity. i think most other submissives are better than i am. i fear that if Daddy starts playing with someone else, it will just be a matter of time before He realizes how lacking i am, and how much He wants to replace me.
Later on we were sitting on the couch, i was reading and Daddy was working on the computer. Daddy has hooked a computer to our big screen TV, so He is able to sit on the couch an work on the computer. Daddy said when He was done He would take me to dinner. He finished up and we went out and had a nice dinner and talked. We talked about the things i don't like to do, and Him playing with others. i don't like to think of those things.
We got home and went to bed. Daddy wanted to read, but i was sleepy. We layed down, and started talking. Daddy asked me if i was really excited earlier and i shook my head no, then He asked if i came and again i shook my head no. He said, "Then you lied to me?" i said yes. He asked if i knew the punishment for lying, i thought i might know, but i wasn't sure and what i thought about made my blood run cold, so i said i wasn't sure. Daddy told me this was the one and only time i would get away with this, and that it could and next time would cost me my collar. By this time i was sobbing uncontrollably. He then told me to pick a nimber between 1 and 40. i chose 18. He said OK, you will get 18 strokes with the Dragontail (my most feared toy, and the one we use only for punishment) for lying. He also talked about possibly banishing me from our bed and from our room for 18 nights. He said i would be confined to my office, the hall bathroom, the kitchen and the spare room for 18 days. He would not even speak to me. i thank God He did not decide to do that. i can't handle being ignored, and denied His company.  He asked me why i lied and i tried to explain it, but He said there was no excuse for lying and that i know that. He's right. i do know that, He told me that from the begining
Neither one of us could sleep. i was crying and Daddy just couldn't sleep, so Daddy said we should get up and play cards. i played badly, i was unable to concentrate and kept crying. Daddy acted like everything was normal. Finally we went back to bed, and when i couldn't take it anymore i told Him i would rather He yell at me instead of acting polite and like nothing was wrong when i knew He was mad at me. He got up, but did not yell. He decided to punish me then and there instead of waiting a while as He had planned. He ended up using the Tawse (my second most feared toy) instead of the Dragontail, and made me count. He was not being gentle, and by the time we got to five i was crying and was sure i wouldn't make it to 18, but i did. Then He started to paddle me. i felt like i was dying, but as much as it hurt, (and believe me it hurt more that anything i have ever felt) when it was over i felt a little better because i had been punished for what i did. When i was able to stop crying, i asked Daddy if He would ever forgive me. He said i was already forgiven, but the trust between us was gone. That was like a knife in my heart. He said i will have to work very hard to get the trust back. He did, however, let me curl up to Him and go to sleep.
Today i have still been weepy. Daddy asks why. How do i explain that is a combination of knowing that He is mad at me and knowing that He does not trust me completely. i love Daddy so much, and i don't like to have Him mad at me. That to me is a punishment in itself knowing He is mad at me. i also can't stand it that He doesn't trust me. i am going to do everything i can to make this up to Him, and to earn back His trust, but i know it will take time.